I am willing to agree to disagree on your second point, but on your first, I want to try and explain my reasoning:
It is not unreasonable for a straight male in modern Western culture to be distressed upon learning that someone he thought was a ciswoman, that is to say a woman that was born a woman, with woman bits, who was acculturated as a woman was actually a transwoman, that is to say a woman that was born a man, with man parts, acculturated as a man who later got top and bottom surgery and is now a woman*
The reason this line of thinking is a problem is because it leads, as you acknowledged, to trans-bashing.
The problem is that this line of thinking is culturally taught. You are taught revulsion and distress to this situation.
Until the reaction to the discovery of a person's trans-status is no worse "Oh, sorry, that's not my bag," in the same way that some people don't like their lovers to have tattoos, facial hair, or the wrong body type, jokes reflecting trans panic, and even yes--a person's deciding to disclose is not your right.
I agree that in a happy shiny world, that info could be given freely and without issue. But that's not the world we're in.
no subject
It is not unreasonable for a straight male in modern Western culture to be distressed upon learning that someone he thought was a ciswoman, that is to say a woman that was born a woman, with woman bits, who was acculturated as a woman was actually a transwoman, that is to say a woman that was born a man, with man parts, acculturated as a man who later got top and bottom surgery and is now a woman*
The reason this line of thinking is a problem is because it leads, as you acknowledged, to trans-bashing.
The problem is that this line of thinking is culturally taught. You are taught revulsion and distress to this situation.
Until the reaction to the discovery of a person's trans-status is no worse "Oh, sorry, that's not my bag," in the same way that some people don't like their lovers to have tattoos, facial hair, or the wrong body type, jokes reflecting trans panic, and even yes--a person's deciding to disclose is not your right.
I agree that in a happy shiny world, that info could be given freely and without issue. But that's not the world we're in.