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Am out of Tylenol, honey-lemon throat lozenges and kleenex. PLEASE SEND HELP!

Seriously, whatever has got a hold of me just won't let go. My throat still hurts, I'm still coughing up thumb-sized lung babies, I still can't swallow right, I still can't sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time... I have little choice but to go back to work tomorrow, though. We'll see how that goes.

(no subject)

I don't blog nearly enough about hockey, mainly because I don't think too many of you reading this care about the greatest game, but just to ensure that this LJ doesn't become all phlegm all the time...

So a couple of nights ago the Pittsburgh Penguins beat the NY Islanders 3-0, and during the game Penguin goalie Brent Johnson dropped Islanders goalie Rick DiPietro with a single cheap shot to the head that literally broke DiPietro's face.

Now if you know anything about hockey, you know that the goalies are inviolate -- you don't fuck with the goalie unless you want to start something really serious. The first thing that happens is that the goalie on your team wets himself, because he knows that retaliation is coming, and the second thing is that you hang a massive target on yourself.

So the Penguins and Islanders played again yesterday. In the meantime, the Islanders called-up a minor league player named Haley, who's an enforcer.

Enforcer is an unofficial but very real position in hockey. His job is, basically, to deter violence and cheap shots against the less-fighty (typically European) players on his team by either hard checking or, in more extreme circumstances, beating the ever-loving crap out of people. There are a lot of very famous enforcers, including Wayne Gretzky's notorious "bodyguard" Marty McSorley, and my personal favorite all-time player Tie Domi.

But calling up an enforcer from the minors is very different than just putting an enforcer on the ice. It's like in a mob movie when they talk about "bringing in the specialists from Chicago". An enforcer brought up from the minors for a particular game is essentially going to be a hitman.

So when the Pens and Islanders met for a second time... well, predictable hilarity ensued. In a brutal 9-3 drubbing of their division rivals, the Islanders got their own back with not one but several bench-clearing donnybrooks, and Haley did his job.

This is my favorite fight of the night, about midway through the third period (though the one in the middle of the second was also pretty sweet). Watch Haley take down his first opponent, get off of him after the guy cries uncle, and then head straight for Johnson:

(no subject)

So I haven't eaten all day because my throat is too sore/swollen/cowardly. Just now I ran out to the drugstore to pick up some of God's own cough syrup, plus extra kleenex and lozenges. I just downed the recommended dosage of the cough syrup and... man, I am flyyyyyying right now. I mean tripping out of my gourd. The cats meows are echoing like we're in an abandoned cathedral and the most fun thing on the planet is reclining in my chair, closing my eyes and imagining myself going "WHEEEEE!"